an obsession with things

My husband and I met in Paris. We collect Eiffel Towers. We love all things Eiffel and all things Paris. You would too if you'd met your soul mate in Paris.

I obsess over what will happen to our Eiffel Towers. Who would want them but our own children or grandchildren.

But it's not just our Eiffel Towers.

I just knitted my very first scarf. I showed it to a friend who said she has a hat that her great grandmother knitted. She said my scarf will be very special to someone one day. But "to whom" I wondered, as I fought back tears.

Where will my wedding ring and engagement ring end up? And where will the precious things handed down to me by other family members end up.

I obsess over this. Day and night. Odd little things pop in my head. What will happen to this, what will happen to that, will anyone appreciate it the way I did, will anyone understand what it meant to me. But they are just things, so I feel silly obsessing over them. But I do.

If I had children, I wouldn't give these things a second thought. I'd have my children to care for and to love. And things would hold little meaning.

I feel like a dead end.


  1. I have been thinking about this post. For some reason it is not something I worry about. Yesterday, I went to a little local history museum in the town I work in. It is in a big, old house that was built in the late 1800's. When you walk into the museum, there was a little history of the house that talked about the couple who built the house. It mentioned they were childless. When they died they donated the house to the city. It is now a beautiful museum. I have to say it was a great museum that had a great display about Anne Frank. This childless couple gave a gift to their entire city. Maybe one day we will be able to make an impact too. Obviously, it might not be as big as a museum, but maybe we can make a little impact somehow! Just something to think about.

  2. Colleen, thanks for sharing that. Thank you for your support, I know I've said it more than once. :)

  3. A dead end. Those are the exact words I've been struggling to find. I know it's been sometime since you wrote this entry and that we're not in similar places with our battles of infertility, but thank you for sharing.