Well, it's terminal. We will never have children. This is the worst news I've ever received. It's unthinkable.
I just don't know where to begin. And I don't know where I fit in now. Everyone who wants them, has children. Everyone but us. I feel so isolated. And the timing, it couldn't be worse. The holidays. A season centered around children. I have not bought one Christmas gift yet. My heart is just not in it. I want to wake up in January tomorrow.
How do we go on?
We have spent 11.5 years of our 14.5 year marriage trying to bring children into our family of two. I hardly know how to get through the day without thinking of infertility treatment or searching the internet for children in foster care who need a forever family.
I think I'm still kinda in shock. This just cannot be happening to me, to us. I'd rather have cancer than not have children. There, I said it. It is how I feel. People who have never suffered from infertility may never understand.
to be continued . . .